Well, here we are again. We welcome all of our friends, and we welcome the friends of Mark and Twyla, and the Auberg family. Here, together, we can all share our joy for Aaron and Helena.

Let me tell you a little about how we got here. Long ago was born to us a little girl whom we named Helena. For the first year of her life, she was the perfect child. No fuss, no mess, no bother. We hardly noticed that she was around. But as soon as she began to talk, things began to change.

There was one particular incident that happened … maybe in her third year … which served to warn us of things to come. She exhibited what is called “the Christian doctrine of total depravity” by demonstrating that cursing comes naturally – even from the mouth of a child. I am certain that she had never heard any such expression until that fateful day when quite unexpectedly, in a moment of frustration, she clenched her fists, drew her breath, and formed the following expression on her lips, “Poop and Potty,” with emphasis on the p’s. From the mouth of babes. I am sure you are all aware of more colorful ways of saying this, but you must admit that, with her limited vocabulary, Helena did exhibit amazing creativity. At least we could be sure that Helena knew how to express herself. And you could summarize the remainder of her life by simply saying that she has never been at a loss for words. She has grown up to be a faithful and a beautiful woman. What’s not to like about her?

About a year ago, after a long line of suitors, this guy named Aaron finally pops up on the list. By this time I had somewhat perfected my techniques for cross-examination. I would take suitors up into my study, which became affectionately known as the interrogation chamber. In my study, there are nine flood lights attached to the ceiling which I had focused on the chair where the young man would be seated, while I would sit in the dark and would direct questions at him which would surreptitiously penetrate into the inner psyche of the suspect – I mean, the suitor – until he would crack and spill his guts into the hidden microphone. Then I would erase his memory of the entire incident by means of suggestive hypnosis. You don’t remember any of this do you, Aaron? [Aaron answers, “I have no recollection.”] See what I mean.

Now, you might think these measures were extreme, but I really did have to find out about … their P-O-O-P, if you know what I mean. Every father knows that no man is good enough for his daughter. He knows this because he knows he’s not good enough for his own wife. Nevertheless, we look for an honorable man, a protector and a provider, who will keep our daughter safe and make her happy, and then it’s up to her to decide whether he’s good enough for her, and then if he’s good enough for her, then he’s good enough for us.

Seriously, it is the burden of every suitor to prove himself an honorable and worthy man. Aaron took on that burden actively and willingly, and Mark and Twyla have every reason to boast of God’s goodness to them in giving them such a fine son, and we thank God for Mark and Twyla for giving this man life, and for guiding his life until God brought him into our lives to bless us, and especially to bless our daughter Helena.

Now Aaron, we don’t want you to get a big head here, so let me make it plain that I never said you were perfect, I only said you were ”good enough.” Aaron has earned my full respect and a whole lot more, and then he has won my daughter’s love, and we welcome him into our family.

Now comes the lecture which is directed to Aaron and Helena, but you can all listen in.

The Bible tells us all to love one another and to submit to one another. But the Bible also singles out husbands to tell them to love their wives, and it singles out wives to tell them to submit to their husbands. Why is this? I think the answer is found in two other things the Bible says exclusively of husbands, and exclusively of wives, respectively.

First, the Bible says that husbands are to honor their wives. (1 Peter 3:7) What is honor? To honor something is to value it. But it is not just to value it. When we value something, we value it for ourselves – what it is worth to us. But when we honor something, we attribute value to it for its own sake, apart from any worth to us.

Everyone is to honor God. This has nothing to do with how valuable God is to us. It has everything to do with how valuable God is in Himself. We honor God for Who He is in His position in relation to us: He is our Creator to Whom we owe our very existence.

Children are to honor their parents. This has nothing to do with how valuable parents are to their children. It has everything to do with how valuable parents are in themselves in their position as procreators and guardian-protectors under God’ provision: the parents to whom the children owe their very existence.

Husbands are to honor their wives. This has nothing to do with how valuable wives are to their husbands. It has everything to do with how valuable wives are in themselves: in their position as companions of their husbands for life under God. She is your wife. She deserves for you to display honor toward her simply for who she is. God brought her to you to be your companion. Honor her for what she is, God’s gift to you. If you do not honor the gift, you will insult the Giver.

It says you are her savior. In other words, you put her life above your own. It says you are to seek to understand her, and you are to consider her weaknesses. In other words, you are to show her preference and deference above all others and even above yourself. You are not to abuse or exploit her.

Second, the Bible says that wives are to respect their husbands. (Ephesians 5:33; 1 Peter 3:2) Actually, the word translated respect is literally “fear.” Now we read elsewhere (1 Peter 3:6) that this fear is to be without intimidation or terror. It’s not that kind of fear.

So what is this “respect” or “fear”? I think perhaps the word “regard” might be a better translation. What does “regard” mean? It means to look upon something with your full attention, yet not just to look upon it only to admire it, but instead to look upon it as the proper source of direction and instruction. You pay someone due regard when you listen to him and heed what he says. To show someone no regard is not to listen to him or heed what he says.

We are to fear God, that is, we are to pay Him due regard, to look to Him for direction and instruction, to listen to what he says so that we may know what to do. Fearing God means heeding His Word.

We are to fear our parents, that is, we are to pay them due regard, to look to them for direction and instruction, to listen to what they say so that we may know what to do. Fearing our parents means heeding their word.

Of course these things are often tempered with other considerations, but this is the principle.

Wives are to fear their husbands, that is show them due regard, to look to their husbands for direction and instruction, to listen to what their husbands say so that they may know what to do.

Now let’s get back to where we began.

The Bible singles out husbands to tell them to love their wives, and it singles out wives to tell them to submit to their husbands. Why is this?

A husband is to honor his wife, and that’s what love is to him. Love is honor to the maximum. Not romantic love – the love which values the wife – that certainly has its place, but the place for romantic love is as fruit from a healthy vine. As a root, romantic love produces bitter fruit. But as a root, honorable, loyal, devoted love – the love which values the wife simply because she is his wife and his companion for life – produces beautiful fruit, and one of those fruits is romantic love.

A wife is to regard her husband, and that’s what submission is to the wife. Submission is regard to the maximum. Regard which listens to what her husband says so that she may know what to do.

So the difference between honor and regard is simply the gender of the love.

Now these are the principles, and they are quite simple. It’s the practical working out of these principles which makes life … interesting. How does a man honor his wife? How does a woman regard her husband? I’m afraid we’re still working on the answers to that. But here’s a hint. A husband’s love reaches down to lift, reaches over to draw in. A wife’s regard reaches up to be lifted, reaches out to be drawn. And you have begun this dance on this your happy day.

A toast to Aaron and Helena Auberg, partners for life: may God bless them richly with fruits of providence and grace.

by Harvey Bluedorn

I would like to offer a little counsel to Hans and Desiree.

When I was first married, I had this idea of radical honesty – just say what you’re thinking, be honest, don’t keep any secrets, and don’t hide back what you like or don’t like.

Whatever you do, do not do this.

It’s really really stupid.

And it will get you into a whole lot of trouble.

I am not advocating lying.

But the book of Ecclesiastes says

“To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:

… A time to keep silence, And a time to speak; … A time of war, And a time of peace.

(Ecclesiastes 3:1, 7-8)

And sometimes that time to keep silence and that time of peace coincide. Hence the expression, “Keep your peace.”

Hans,

If you ever get even the slightest notion that your wife is upset, be assured that she is, even though she will deny it if you ask her, … so don’t ask her.

You may safely assume that it is because of you.

Your only problem will be figuring out what in the world she’s upset about.

Good luck.

Wives believe their husbands know perfectly well what’s bothering them.

I’ve never figured out how they reconcile this

with their belief that we just don’t understand them.

Do not resort to guessing.

You may just be adding more to her list.

Besides, sometimes she doesn’t even know why she’s upset.

so how in the world are you ever going to figure it out?

Hans and Desiree are planning on moving to California.

This may be helpful.

Some say the formula for a happy marriage is the same as the one for living in California:

when you find a fault, don’t dwell on it.

Hans, here is one special caution,

When you have an argument (and you will),

You need to warm and reassure her with those three little words

which thrill a woman down into her heart and soul,

I ………………. was wrong.

(You thought I was going to say something else, didn’t you?)

Do not ever utter the words, “You were wrong.”

You can think it all you want, but do not ever let those words escape your lips.

Admit where you are wrong.

But be very careful about ever saying, “You were right.”

You’ll never hear the last of it.

Now some more serious counsel.

Paul the apostle speaks three primary words regarding marriage – they are the three words usually associated with the marriage vows – love, honor, and obey or submit.

These all apply to all of us all the time, but they apply in a special way in marriage.

Scripture never directs wives in any special sense to love their husbands with agape love. Instead, Scripture uses the other word for love – phile – they are directed to love them as their friend, their confidant, their closest companion. Marriage is all about companionship, and it is the wife who is most especially responsible to keep up that companionship.

It is husbands who are directed in a special way to agape love their wives. This is not a self-interested possessive love, but a selfless protective love. Marriage is all about love, and it is the husband who is most especially responsible to keep up this love.

Wives are directed in a special way to submit to their husbands. This is not an abusive servile submission, but a helpful and supportive submission. We men need all the help and support we can get.

What relation can you think of more disturbing than a wife who is not helpful and supportive of her husband – unless it is a husband who is not selfless and protective of his wife.

To these two words – love and submission – is added a third, honor.

We are all to honor one another, but the wife is directed in a special way to honor her husband. This, I believe, is directing us to a special part of her submission. The actual word used is not the ordinary word for honor or respect, but is the word for fear, a wife is to fear her husband, but not in the sense of intimidation or terror, but in the sense of acknowledging and submitting to his position as the one who is accountable to God for herself and for their family. She must help him to grow into this and live up to this by showing him honor and regard and respect, and in doing so, she will be doing herself and her family much good.

So the wife has the special responsibility of being an example to the family and to the world, to show us all what it means to show honor, and the husband has the special responsibility to show us all what it means to love. That’s pretty convicting, isn’t it?

When these two things – selfless love and honoring submission – are in harmony, they complement or complete each other. And that is the real formula for a happy and fruitful marriage.

Marriage is a mystery, Paul says.

Hans and Desiree, you get to spend the rest of your life trying to solve this mystery.

You think you know love, but you don’t know what love means yet.

It was after my first son was born that I realized how much I loved my wife – to protect her and provide for her – to keep her safe and happy, and how much I loved my son – my family – to do the same.

It was in giving away my first daughter that I realized how much I loved my daughter – to protect her and provide for her – to keep her safe and happy.

The Lord provided my daughter with an honoring and protective husband, and we thank the Lord for Adam.

Now the Lord has provided my son with a wife.

Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD.

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband …

… a prudent wife is from the LORD.

(Proverbs 31:10; 18:22; 12:4; 19:14)

After 37 years of marriage, I now know something of what this means.

Desiree is as beautiful as an angel, and as faithful as the tides.

Hans, keep her safe and happy.

Desiree, he needs your help and support.

–Harvey Bluedorn

In the dressing room

Photos by Nate Sisson.

One of my favorites — Jason, Adam, Hans, and Nathaniel.

Mike Kline

Carin Procarione and Gretchen Sisson

Hans and Rachel West

The punch — made with Whitey’s ice cream.

Video produced by Nathaniel Bluedorn and Hans Bluedorn, 2007

Mike Kline, Peoria, Illiinois, our pianist

Patti Royer, Mountain View, Missouri

Hans

Hernandez family, Amarillo, Texas